When I Learn About Others, I Learn About Myself with Abi Feltham, Sober Influencer

I'm super stoked for Abi Feltham to join her in today's episode! Abi Feltham is an addiction recovery advocate and content creator from London. Through her funny and often relatable videos, she strives to reduce the stigma surrounding people with addiction issues. She shares the highs and lows of her addictions and recovery, aiming to give hope to those who are struggling and make them feel less alone. In this episode, Me and Abi chat about Abi's journey back packing around the world, becoming sober, and how she became a Sober advocate.

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To follow Abi on Instagram you can find her at @abi.feltham. Follow me on Instagram @alexmcrobs and check out my offerings in yoga, meditation and coaching at http://themindfullifepractice.com/live-schedule.

Full episode

Transcript

Intro

Welcome to the "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019.And now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.

Alex

All right. Hello, everyone. And welcome back to another episode of "Sober Yoga Girl". I am super excited to have Abi Feltham here on the show with me today. And Abi is a Sober Influencer, has a ton of followers, makes hilarious reels, and that's how she's kind of come up on to my feet and been really inspiring to, like, sharing your journey. So thank you so much for being on the show, and I'm really happy to have you here.

Abi

Hi. Thanks for having me.

Alex

So Abi is in the UK and I would love to hear more about kind of who you are, Abi. Like, your story. Tell me a bit about yourself, where you're from and all that stuff.

Abi

Well, yes, I'm in the UK. Yeah I'm in London. This is only, like a recent development in the last year. Essentially, I spent the last ten years backpacking around the world. Yeah. Just basically partying around the world, just going around on adventures and not having any responsibilities and doing a lot of drinking.

Alex

Wow. I did not know that.

Abi

Yeah. It's only, like, yeah. It was only the beginning of the pandemic that I came back to the UK and then got sober. Yeah. I lived in Laos for, like, four years. I lived in Cambodia, Australia, US, Canada, like yeah.

Alex

Amazing.

Abi

Well all around.

Alex

I was in Laos in 2019 right before I got sober. I did a little you know, the typical backpacking through Southeast Asia thing, that people do and the party and then they go to hostels, you know.

Abi

Yeah. I was there in 2019. I lived in Vang Vieng for like, four years.

Alex

Wow. That's the place where you raft, right?

Abi

Yeah. You do the choosing.

Alex

I'm sure we bet that because there was like-- there were like two bars there, right?

Abi

Oh, right. Yeah. I definitely probably might. I worked at those bars in 2019.

Alex

So I'm sure we met before my--

Abi

I guess we did.

Alex

Wow. That's so cool. And so you moved back to London and at the start of the pandemic was that due to everything going on with the travel restrictions or what prompted that?

Abi

Well it kind of it coincided with a mental breakdown.

Alex

Okay.

Abi

So it was kind of like, I want to say, good timing.

Alex

Yeah.

Abi

Like I just had this awful mental breakdown like lots. I kept on hitting rock bottom. Like I was an absolute mess and my life was just like crumbling around me. And it was just like, my own mental health issues and my drinking and my drug taking had really taken this toll on me. Yeah. And I was in a terrible place. And then it coincided with a pandemic and I was just so reluctant and so stubborn to ever go home and like sort myself out. Like I was like, no, I'm going to travel the world forever, even though I was absolutely miserable. But then the pandemic here, and then everyone was going home. A lot backpackers of going home. Everyone was kind of like losing their jobs and bring them back in with their parents and stuff.

Alex

Right.

Abi

And that kind of gave me the kick to actually go home and face my problems.

Alex

Right. Wow. And so, yeah. I guess a lot of those bars that were probably real tourist places like were people losing their jobs that were working in those bars because there just weren't tourist coming or--

Abi

Yeah. Well so at the time I was in Canada. I was living on Vancouver Island. I was working at a barbeque restaurant, and I had just lost my job for drinking. Like for being black up drunk at work. But then, like, two days later, everyone else lost their jobs because it's pandemic.

Alex

Wow.

Abi

Yeah. So I kind of, like, I tell people now that I lost my job because I was black out drunk. But at the time, I was like kind of embarrassed and I was still coming to terms and everything. I was still very lost. And I was very unsure of myself. And I was very insecure. So I just told everyone it was because of the pandemic.

Alex

Yeah. I mean, it was good timing for--

Abi

What? It was. It really was.

Alex

So tell me a bit about yourself like growing up. How did you start drinking?

Abi

Well, I have-- I don't know. I've always been a very intense person in the way that I feel ever since always really little, real young. Always felt emotions really heavily, really intensely, and I've never been able to manage them. I've learned now I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's something that in any kind of inclination been with me my entire life. I heard remember being very young and not being able to manage my emotions and not-- I don't know, things would really affects me.

Alex

Right.

Abi

Like, I would watch other people and then like something would happen to them and they'd be able to brush it off. My emotions just really had an effect on me all growing up and through into my teens. And when I discovered drinking so it's Britain. Like, there's a big drinking culture and like pretty much everyone starts drinking when they're teenagers. Like it's a through normalized thing it is. Like really ingrained in our culture, like for binge drinking and teen drinking. Like, it's kind of like weird if you don't do it. And it's just normal in families, really. And then so when I started drinking like, I was like, oh, this numbs me. Like it made me feel a bit more normal and I cope a lot better. And I could manage myself because like yeah, my emotions were so intense because yeah I was numbing myself. And I really like that feeling. I loved it. And yeah, I kind of like I've always been a very adventurous person as well. And drinking go to parties, and kind of like that sort of glamorous size to, like, drinking a parting, I guess you can say, like, took me on lots of inventions and I love that as well. So to me, alcohol gave me so much confidence and it made me feel peace myself. And it like took me crazy places. And I went to crazy parties and was doing crazy things. I just thought I was having my best life.

Alex

Yeah. And this sounds a lot, you know, I can really relate to that because I also had a mood disorder. Growing up and it was diagnosed and I was told, you know, to stop drinking and I just kept drinking on these men's-- and I also kind of felt emotions in extreme. And so I think that is what I really like about alcohol is that kind of numb me out from all of that.

Abi

Yeah, really similar. Similar relationship with alcohol. Yeah.

Alex

And so tell me about how did your alcohol consumption increase over time? Did you find you know, I have a similar kind of not exactly the same with your journey and that you know, I lived in the Middle East, but I was traveling all around the world on these holidays and vacations. And just I found at the partying tourists lifestyle just really amped out my drinking. And I'm wondering if you kind of felt that influence your drinking or how did it grow over time?

Abi

And I just kept on drinking. I think I noticed, I guess, like, quite early on, I had a different relationship to alcohol than other people. Like other people would maybe go to parties and they have, like, a few drinks. But I'm guzzling.

Alex

Right.

Abi

Right guzzling. And then I think I moved to London when I was 18, moved out home in London by myself and just threw myself into the party scene there. I guess, I don't know. Like, I remember going to house parties when I first moved to London. And, like, we'd all be drinking and stuff. And then in the morning, like if we all kind of like, passed out at this house party of the next morning. Everyone wake up and be like oh, I'm so hungover and I'd wake up, I start drinking again. Like, yeah. And then I start drinking alone a lot. Like when I was kind of like in my early 20s, when I was in London. I left London when I was 23 to go traveling. And then that was my, like ten years abroad, essentially. And yeah, I just I found like, like you said, like a party lifestyle.

Alex

Right.

Abi

Before I went traveling there I was like, I was doing a lot of drugs. I was drinking a lot. Like I just always wanted to be around it always. I didn't want to have a day where I wasn't around drugs and alcohol.

Alex

What was the turning point for you? I know you've described kind of the mental health breakdown and then moving back to the UK. What was the turning point for you in which you decided to choose sobriety? Like was that something that you realize once you lost your job? Was it something that happened over time in London? Tell me about that.