I'm super excited to meet one of my Sober Instagram friends, Tosh, @princesstoshhh. Tosh is a sober flight attendant based on the states and is on a mission to normalize sobriety, especially in the aviation industry. She said that due to unpredictable schedules and stress from work and home, it's common for flight crews to drink heavily. She is now over a year sober and advocates on social media to help others in this journey too. In this episode Alex and Tosh chat about her sober story.
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Follow Tosh on Tiktok and on Instagram @princesstoshhh. Follow me on Instagram @alexmcrobs and check out my offerings in yoga, meditation and coaching at http://themindfullifepractice.com/.
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Full episode
Transcript
Intro
Welcome to the "Sober Yoga Girl" podcast with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019. And now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.
Alex
All right. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of "Sober Yoga Girl". I am super excited to have Tash with me here today, and Tash is a sober flight attendant. I actually came across her on TikTok originally has some really great TikTok videos, but also Instagram sober content. And, so I'm super excited to meet you today because I've been following you for a while. So nice to meet you.
Tosh
Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
Alex
And so you are in Oklahoma right now?
Tosh
Right now. Yes.
Alex
That's where you grew up?
Tosh
It's where I grew up. And then when I got became a flight attendant, I lived in Chicago for almost four years. And then I actually recently just moved to Florida in August, just kind of hopping all over the place.
Alex
And when you do flights, do you primarily do flights around North America, or do you go all over the world? Like, how does it work?
Tosh
Yeah. I say it's mainly, like in the United States, and then for fun, like, I'll travel internationally, but usually, when I work, working-wise, it's just in the state.
Alex
Cool. Awesome.
Tosh
Yeah.
Alex
And maybe you can tell us a bit about yourself, like your hobbies, your interests, kind of whatever you want to share.
Tosh
Yeah, of course. Yeah. I'm a flight attendant. Honestly, that takes up a lot of my time, but I don't mind. I love traveling. I have always loved traveling, so obviously I do that a lot. I love meeting new people. Hobby-wise, I love working out. I actually do some yoga, which I need to learn more from you. I definitely want to get more into that. And I love dancing. I grew up dancing, and I think that's another reason why I love TikTok because you can just learn all those TikTok dances for fun. And I can use it to find you know, sober community. Other people you know, like me. So that's really cool. And then I love music, like going to music festivals. I actually just went to my first sober music festival, like a couple of weeks-- yeah. And it was so fun. So I'm excited to start doing more of that, too.
Alex
Yeah, I know the world is opening up.
Tosh
Yes. I'm so excited. So new normal.
Alex
Yes. So tell me a bit about your drinking. When did you start drinking?
Tosh
Yeah. So I was actually considered like a late bloomer. I didn't start drinking until I was, like, 21. And honestly, when I started when I was 21, I didn't even really like it that much. Like I didn't like the taste. Like, you know, I was just kind of like, whatever about it. And then when I got to, like, 22 is kind of when I like just-- I was in College. So I did the whole like, you know, College party scene. And then I like to say it. I guess the best way to say it would be I basically just have brought College from when I'm 22. And just-- instead of stopping at College, I feel like I've just went-- and drink until I was--. I've been a little over a year sober now. So until I was like, 28.
Alex
Oh, wow. Okay
Tosh
Yeah.
Alex
And how old are you now? 29?
Tosh
29.
Alex
Oh, we're the same age. Are you 1992?
Tosh
Oh my Gosh. Yes.
Alex
Amazing. What month are you born?
Tosh
February 6.
Alex
Okay. Cool. I'm April. So you're a little bit older than me.
Tosh
Yeah, I know. I'm a month older.
Alex
And so you stopped drinking when you were 28?
Tosh
Yes.
Alex
Cool. And so right around me too. I stopped drinking when I was 27.
Tosh
Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
Alex
Cool.
Tosh
Awesome.
Alex
And so you were drinking all through your 20's. What made it escalate over time?
Tosh
Yeah. So for me, it was-- I was always like, you know, I'm a very happy person. So the majority of the time over the years, like, I was always, you know, obviously just a really happy drunk. Like, I love being social, all that stuff. And I love being a happy and a positive influence and stuff like that. Well, the negative about that was I would tend to when I would go through things like hard times in life, like a breakup or family stuff or whatever I was going through. I would just kind of mask it with drinking and like, so over the course of time, even in College, I would drink to cover up things. I mean, I was drunk all the time. I literally went to class like, drunk. So I really gave myself no time to process emotions, feelings, because I just didn't like not feeling good and negative. So what would happen is-- over the years, I would have a little angry outburst. Or I would just be rude to one of my best friends. Or I would-- I mean, one time in college, I remember I made a car full of my sorority sisters cry. But then it was College. So it was just kind of like, oh, whatever. It was the weirdest thing. It was just like, okay. Yeah. You were drunk. And so that just kind of carried out throughout the years. It wasn't every time I drink, I would like, flip that switch and just get, like, mad or, like, have my angry outbursts or have emotional dumping on people. But when it did happen, it just got worse. And then when COVID happens, I feel like COVID just like with everybody else, and too much caffeine. Alright. With everybody else like, you know, mental health just-- it really hit hard. And so my angry outbursts just kind of got worse. And I, you know, like in the course of one month, I got angry drunk at like, two of my ex-best friend and my ex-boyfriend. And that's, like, what separated us in, like, one month. And the last day I drink was July 4th. And I mean, that was probably like, the worst, most embarrassing day, like, just get a big drunk fight with my ex-boyfriend in front of a group of people at this July 4th party. And like--, and then I ended up driving away, and I crashed his truck, and then that wasn't even the end of it. Like, I went back to his place and his friends were there. And then, you know, I was acting so crazy that I ended up getting kicked out of the house because I was just being, like, so crazy.
Alex
Oh my goodness.
Tosh
And so after that day, like, I was kind of like, okay, and then three weeks before that, you know, I don't even remember what I said to my ex best friends, but it was enough for them to finally just be, like, we're done. So in the course of one month, losing those people and you know, from my drinking, I just-- and embarrassing myself. I just realized, okay, like, obviously something's got to happen. Something's got to change. Like, it's not okay. It's at the point where, you know, I'm starting to lose friends. And now looking back, I like and like, oh, wow. Maybe that's why some of those people I'm not as close to anymore was because of my drinking because I would just brush it aside, like, my little tantrums or when I would get drunk or I would you know, my ego would get in the way and be like, oh, they deserve it or something like that, you know? So even though it wasn't all the time when it did happen, it was enough. At that point, it was just enough for me to be like, okay, I don't like waking up with shame and regret anymore. And I mean, that's one of the best parts about being sober, because, like, I mean, you know, like, wow. I literally in this past year. So, you know, I haven't woken up with shame or regret or guilt of, like, hurting people I care about. And that is probably the best part. Yeah. It's one of the many amazing parts of being sober, for sure.
Alex
I love the way you just phrase that like, that just really made me smile, like, thinking about you know, waking-- I'm like, when is the last time I woke up with guilt or shame or regret over hurting someone? I couldn't tell you. And it used to be--and it wouldn't even be for me, like, sometimes you wouldn't even have guilt or shame, you would have, like, just anxiety, doom, thinking-- I would think that everyone hated me, like, every morning.
Tosh
Yes. Yeah.
Alex
Because I couldn't remember moments of the night and was, like, trying to piece them together. And then you just don't know what people remember. You know, and you have these moments where you think you're, like, best friends with someone like you're screaming with someone that your best friends over the music. And that's just like done in the morning, you know, like, it's like, who's that stranger.
Tosh
Yes. Like, that anxiety-- and that was probably another thing is, like, now I know when I do mess up, I can make amends for that right away or something. You know, that's the great part about-- it's not like I'm suddenly perfect. I still have that anger in me you know. But now I can definitely have a handle on it more instead of putting you know a liquid that will depress it in my body, which makes it worse. So now it's like, even if I do, it doesn't get nearly as bad when I do get angry. And when I do, maybe have a little, like, bratty moment or you know, not the nicest, like, I can make amends for that right away. Like, you know, fix that for the future. Yeah. And that's another thing about the anxiety thing, like, waking up, you're texting your friends also, like, oh, did I do anything to hurt you? And they're like, you know, sometimes they're like, yeah, dude. Or other times they're like, what you're freaking out. You're overthinking. You're like, yeah, I don't miss that feeling at all. I love knowing when I wake up the next day being like, cool. All right. It was a great night.
Alex
And, you know, everything that's the other thing is, if you have--, you know, you have moments where you get upset or get angry or whatever. But you know exactly what happened in what order you know.
Tosh
Exactly.
Alex
It's not a mystery of what happens. Like, you know, the story. And so it's easier to problem solve and--
Tosh
Apologize when we need to.
Alex
Yeah. Exactly.
Alex
Okay. So you stopped drinking on July 4th. So, well July 5th, the day after.
Tosh
Yeah. July 5th.
Alex
So what was that like, what did your sober journey look like for you?
Tosh
Yeah, man, I mean, definitely the beginning was not easy. I mean, I feel like that's you know, pretty common for all of us when we go from drinking a lot to just, like, cutting it all out, especially when you're drinking for your feelings, suppressing things. That was not easy. So I actually had one sober friend at that time. I only knew one sober person who was completely sober. And, so I reached out to her and I called her, and I was just like, you know, I think it was like, either July 5th or maybe-- it was within two or three days since July 4th. And I was just like, I don't know what to do. Like, I need help clearly. And the first thing she recommends to me was going to AA meetings. So that's what I started doing in the beginning. And I went to meetings all the time. I would say that that was probably like, my saving grace in the beginning, for sure, meeting more sober people and having that community of people. And then I'm still a part of AA but I would say at this point now, I listen to a lot of podcasts. Slowly, over the past year, I would start listening to podcasts. I would read a lot of Quit Lit books. I would start meditating. That's when I actually about super into yoga and meditation and stuff because that like, oh, my gosh, just incorporating that into my daily routine, especially meditating has been, like, for my anger, that has been like a saving grace for me. So, working out more, going on mental health walks. Like, I don't know. There's something about going on a walk that just gets me hyped now, like, sometimes when I would be so angry, I generally go on my freaking walk, so I would just go on a walk. And for some reason, I would you know, and now because of you know, doing all those things that made me more interested in science. Why am I happier now? Or like, why you know, after being sober and cutting things out, why am I enjoying these things more and stuff? So that's why I got into, like, Quit Lit and stuff like that, because I want to learn more about what exactly did alcohol do to my body, my brain, and everything. And yeah, I'm trying to get if there's anything else that I did that--oh, social media. Oh, my gosh. I mean, hello. Yeah, here we are because of social media. Having a sober community. I have more sober friends on social media as of now, more than in real life. Like, oh, my gosh. It is another saving grace. Like, having the sober community, seeing all these young women because I don't know about you, like getting sober in your 20's is not easy. It is not normal. It's not normalized at all. Having, like--, it's really hard to find that community of younger women, younger people who are also sober in person. So having that community on social media, that has been super helpful, too.
Alex
Totally. And you know, when I-- so I got sober with one year, no beer, which was amazing. I don't know if you've heard of that UK-based organization?
Tosh
I haven't.
Alex
They were great, but it was kind of like, I don't know, super masculine. It was run by two guys who are super cool. But everyone was like running a marathon and people-- I was one of the youngest people on it basically. And I didn't really know that sober Instagram existed. I'm trying to think of how I found out about it. It might have been reading "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober". I came across this book, and then I followed Catherine Gray, and then all of a sudden it was like, Milly Gooch. And like, all of these sober women were coming up. And now, my whole Instagram is just all these cool sober women. Mostly, a lot of you guys are in North America. There are some in Europe. I definitely know I'm the only one in the Middle East that I know of.
Tosh
Wow. Yeah. You're the only ones out there, too, that I know.
Alex
Yeah. And I think it's because the culture, we're just behind you guys because the culture here, like, alcohol is so forbidden to begin with than to be talking about having a problem is like, it's a little cutting edge for this part of the world. So I did feel very alone. And through finding all of you guys on social media, I just feel so connected and part of something. And I have people that get me so yeah, sober social media is like, amazing.
Tosh
A lifesaver.
Alex
Yeah.
Tosh
Absolutely. So since it is forbidden over there, is there, like, a drinking culture? Like, would you say, like, I mean, I'm guessing it's more secretive as it is?
Alex
Yeah. Okay. So I moved to Kuwait first when I was 23, and then in Kuwait, alcohol was completely illegal. So it was really like, I learned how to make wine. The people I connected with were my wine dealers, I basically would go out with anyone that could get me alcohol. You could get alcohol on embassy property. So the American embassy, the British embassy, the Australian embassy. So, like, I'm you know, dating people that have invites for these places. And that was my early 20s. It was like the weirdest time in my life. And so that was two years. And then I was, of course, flying out. So then I had a partner who I'm like, this is the episode where I'm going the most--
Tosh
I love it. Obviously, why I'm a flight attendant, like, meeting people, hearing these stories.
Alex
You totally got it. So we started flying out to Abu Dhabi and Dubai. And here it's kind of like, I've never been to Vegas, but I imagine it's the Vegas of the region and that people come here and just kind of have their wild sort of weekend type of thing. And so here it's alcohol is legal. But because part of the local culture, it's still forbidden. There isn't, like, education and awareness and openness the way there is in North America around, like, AA is very secretive. Everything is super secretive. And so as a result, I just find that the culture is wild. Like, for me, it was like my personal paradise because there aren't any laws. So you can buy tickets for an all you can drink, brunch on the weekend. It starts drinking from noon until midnight. All you can drink. And this is what we do every weekend. And so, it's like it gets really out of control for the ex-pats. And so I had come here. So I decided to move here. And then I was just from one extreme to the next and just going so hard. And, you know, when everyone else is doing it, it becomes normal. And so I hit a point. I do think it accelerated me to sobriety much quicker. I do think that if I had not had these extremes in my 20's I would probably still be drinking. But I'm super grateful for it because it just kick-started you know, the best part of my life.
Tosh
Yeah. I can see, like, how you said like with the extremes because even though I was a late bloomer, I feel like I went really hard from 22 to 28. And I'm kind of glad that I had those you know, episodes. And the really bad, it was bad enough for me. My rock bottom was bad enough for me where I'm like, I'm kind of happy that--, not happy but, you know, the things that happened were unfortunate. And I, you know, it wasn't I feel bad about it. But I'm kind of glad that I went through those really embarrassing times because then it push me to make a change because I don't like being that person at all.
Alex
Totally.
Tosh
So kind of thankful for those extremes, you know, not just like, drinking. And, like, you know, life is okay type of thing. Nothing happens. But, like, you know what I'm saying?
Alex
Totally. And I remember the early days when I was part of one year, no beer. A lot of people were commenting on you know, I would be posting. And a lot of people were like, I wish I you know figured this out when I was your age. Like, I wish I you know, a lot of people say, I wish I got sober younger. And so I do feel, I feel fortunate in that regard.
Tosh
Absolutely. I'm thankful. Like, now we have this whole, like, we're still young about this whole lie, like, 30's. They always say, are your prime. So we're about to be sober in our 30's. Like, I'm ready.
Alex
So tell me about, like, how did you start posting on Instagram and TikTok about your sober journey. Like, how did that begin?
Tosh
Yeah. One thing about being sober is following, like, what feels right. And so I remember, you know, the first few months of sobriety we're not easy. And I don't know, I just felt the urge to-- I remember I shared about being sober on my one month, and then I decided, you know, just to kind of also hold myself accountable. But just to post, like, every month, at least about you know being sober and what it's done in my life because I've always you know, grown-up wanting to help people. And something about my social media and my life is when I was drinking, I always just wanted to come off as this perfect person, you know? And I feel like a lot of us do. And on our social media, it's our highlight room. We're like these perfect people. Well, in deep down, I was like, wanting to like, there are times where I wanted to die. And I feel like that's actually, you know, really common to be unhappy. And you're posting about your perfect little life or, like, I'm a flight attendant. And I have these groups of friends and we're, like, doing all this stuff and, like, life is great. And, like, you know, during that time I was the most insecure person ever. I was so unhappy. That wasn't the case at all. I was just drinking all my feelings away and kind of just faking it. So whenever I got sober, I was like, I want to be real with people. Like, I want to help people that are going through this, too. You don't have to cover it up. And so that's one of the main reasons why I started posting on social media was you know, if I show you know, my vulnerability, my weaknesses, you know, have you heard of Brene Brown?
Alex
Yeah. Love her.
Tosh
Yeah. Listening to her Ted talk and just listening to her speak on podcasts and stuff. She talks about vulnerability and how that's actually a strength. And so I just decided I just felt right. I felt like God wanted me to use my social media as a platform for you know, being sober and being raw, being real with people. And that's why I started posting. And I want to help other people get sober in their 20's, too, because you know, I went to these meetings and I've met a lot of people. A lot of them are older you know, and it's hard to find younger people. I mean, we're still having difficulties with it. We are having difficulties, and we've been sober for you know, around a year. So I feel like I'm comfortable enough to be really open and vulnerable with my life and just help other people who are around my age, too, that are probably struggling with the same thing. And yeah, you know it just feels right. I feel led to be that person, and I'll keep doing it.
Alex
It's so brave of you to start sharing that and so early and so openly, like, at the one-month mark. That's huge.
Tosh
I know. I look back and I don't even know. I'm like, what I'm telling you, that my higher power is gone because, like, I mean, I still get nervous, like, sweaty hands sometimes before I post. But, you know, I feel like I butcher sayings, but something about you know, "whatever you're most fearful of is probably what is right, is probably what you should do. Take that leap of faith". So any time I have posted, I feel like you know, I've had people reach out and be like, thank you so much for being vulnerable. And things like that. So when people you know, reach out to me and say that, I'm like, okay, I am doing the right thing. Like, I am helping other people who may be struggling with their alcohol, too. So it makes it worth it for sure.
Alex
Oh, that's amazing. And you have, like, tons of followers on TikTok, right? I feel like it's been like, the like, 10's or 20,000.
Tosh
Maybe around 20's. I think? Something like that.
Alex
That's huge. That's amazing. You clearly reach so many people and touch so many people.
Tosh
That's what I want to do. I don't want anybody to be sad or depressed because I know what that's like. It sucks.
Alex
That's so amazing. So you mentioned when we were chatting in the beginning about wanting to reach people in the airline industry. Can you tell me more about that?
Tosh
Yeah. So, like, in the airline industry, I mean, drinking, like, the alcohol culture, it's tough for sure. I mean, in the airline industry, you know, it is a stressful job. You know, you're meeting hundreds of people throughout the day. I mean, and you're taking care of these people and all different types of people. So that can get stressful you know, like, people get anxious when they're coming to the airport and airplanes. And, like, you know, that anxiety doesn't always come off in the best way you know. So that's a lot to take on all those emotions and different energies with different people throughout the day. So of course, that stresses us out. And so I mean, it could be like a Tuesday. And if we have, like, a 15 hours layover, 12,13 hours layover, like, anywhere Nashville or something. And it's like, 02:00 P.M. On a Tuesday, what is the crew going to want to do? They're going to want to go drink you know. Or at the end of a trip like, we're tired, exhausted, mentally, emotionally, physically. So you know, people want to drink their wine to relax and then just being in the airline industry I mean, you know, we're going to all these cool places. Like, why, of course, we want to go travel, explore places and have fun and party and whatnot. So I'd say that's why for those reasons, with stress. And then just like, all the traveling and stuff like it's just, you know, drinking culture are pretty big with the airline industry. And I feel like, honestly, when I became a flight attendant, my drinking and drug use, definitely just increased a lot. And so, you know, I would drink wine on the weekdays to relax. And then on weekends, you know, I'd go party and stuff like that. Yeah. It's a lot of pressure when it comes to drinking. And it's hard to stay sober. So I definitely want to help other people. I've actually talked to a senior flight attendant who is in you know, helps out with-- she's also sober and helps other people who want to get sober. So I've talked to her about you know, helping any other flight attendants that want to get sober. And I've talked to-- I've actually-- last week I talked to a couple of flight attendants who want to get sober, too, which is exciting and like--
Alex
It's amazing.
Tosh
Yeah. So that also just makes it worth it. Like when I'm at work, I will still go out and still hang out with crew members. And, you know, when people are ordering drinks, I'm like, yeah, no, I'm good. And you know, I'm super open at work about my sobriety too and I've had flight attendants you know, open up to me about their relationship with alcohol. So, yeah, you know, I just want to help a lot of flight attendants and even pilots or whoever, because I know how stressful, especially, I mean, I know, you know, I'm sure you heard about all the COVID stuff, and the masks and everything. Like, you know, it's kind of crazy out there. So if I can help people you know, deal with that stress in a different way, that's what I want to do.
Alex
That's amazing. And you know, as you're talking, it's interesting because I've just never thought about flight attendants in the same way. But you know, I've been an ex-pat. I've been in the Middle East for seven years. I'm originally from Toronto. And so I've lived the same way of you know being away from my family. You know, that stress of being-- like traveling, being separated from people. And I never thought that you guys would have a similar kind of experience, but it, you know, it was same with me, you know, like, as you said, drinking during the week to relax and then drinking on the weekends to party. And I see it. I saw it in my colleagues, too.
Tosh
Yeah. And that definitely adds up over time.
Alex
Totally. I think it's so amazing what you're doing.
Tosh
Thank you. And same to you. Same to you.
Alex
So I have one more question for you. If anyone came to you, if anyone wanted advice, who was curious about starting a sober journey, you're going alcohol-free. What advice would you give them?
Tosh
I'd say, like, kind of what I told other people is just to take it one day at a time. I think that that is one of the most important, because when I remember when I got sober, all I could think about is what if this and what if that or like, you know, I'm going to this weekend or I'm doing this, like, how am I going to you know, not drink? So I'd say the first thing is just taking it one day at a time and just think about, you know if you're getting triggered at that moment to take a drink, think ahead. Think forward. Is that drink really going to help? Are you going to wake up tomorrow feeling better or actually worse? Yeah. It's going to be a temporary fake, like, good feeling, but it's only going to last maybe an hour, a couple, and then after that, you're going to get drunk and then wake up, and are you really going to feel better? No, that issue is probably still going to be there and you're going to feel worse. So I would say, just taking it one day at a time, just worry about not taking that first sip, that first drink. And if you are really triggered and you just feel like you can't even stop yourself from taking that one drink, reach out to somebody that's sober. Anybody's ever told me that they want to get sober? I'm like, I don't care if it's like, 03:00 A.M. in the morning. I'm a flight attendant. Sleep is not real. Like you can call me, text me whenever, just reach out to somebody who is sober, too, because they are the only people at that moment who will really be able to understand and help you. So those would be like my two words of advice for somebody who's starting to get sober. And then just following people on social media. I like to send my friends, like, podcasts, Quit Lits. Just gaining knowledge about what alcohol is doing to you and your brain, your body, too. I feel like once you learn that even if you do drink again, you can't get that out of your head. You know. So yeah, that's what I would say.
Alex
Awesome. Well, it's great advice, and thank you so much, Tasha. It was honestly, so nice to finally meet you and chat with you.
Tosh
I know. Same. Same.
Alex
And get to know the person behind the TikToks.
Tosh
Yes. Hopefully, one day we can meet. Maybe I can fly out.
Alex
That would be amazing. You have a place to stay anytime.
Tosh
I have the perfect job to do that.
Alex
Alright. Well, have a great day and we'll speak soon. I'll see you soon.
Tosh
Alright. Thank you for having me. I had a great time.
Alex
Bye
Tosh
Bye.
Outro
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of "Sober Yoga Girl" with Alex McRobs. I am so, so grateful for every one of you. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one and leave a review before you go. See you soon. Bye.
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