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Sober & Single

May 22 2021




Surprise Friday Night Podcast Episode! Alright you guys...I had a podcast episode scheduled for this past Monday where I talked about my sober dating life. It was published for all of fifteen minutes before I had a complete vulnerability hangover and panic about having posted a 45 minute episode of me talking about my dating life and deleted it 🤣. That’s why no episode of Sober Yoga Girl was released on Monday as usual. Turns out it was downloaded by a handful of people in that short fifteen minutes and someone who listened came to my Sober Curious Happy Hour/Power Party at @sobercuriousyoga and told me she actually loved it 🤣...so inspired by her I’ve gone ahead and republished it.


“Sober & Single: In this episode, Alex tells her stories of sober dating. She shared why she thinks having a period of being single in sobriety can be beneficial. It can allow you an opportunity to turn inwards and create a sense of self - independent from another person. Alex also shares the best parts of sober dating - including remembering the first kiss!” Click the link in my bio to listen ❤️🙏🏻 thanks for the encouragement from my yoga student for this one!


Listen here.


Thanks to all of you we’ve had over 7500 podcast downloads and hit episode 26 ✊🏼 Thanks for being part of our community. If you enjoyed this episode please don’t forget to subscribe, rate and share the podcast so it can reach more people that it will serve and benefit.


Make sure to follow Alex's journey on instagram @alexmcrobs and join her yoga, meditation, barre and coaching classes at www.themindfullifepractice.com.


TRANSCRIPT


Intro: Welcome to the “Sober Yoga Girl Podcast” with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019 and now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.


Hello, friends, welcome back to another episode of "Sober Yoga Girl" with your host, Alex McRobs. It is Friday night here in the UAE and I do not have my regular podcast equipment with me. Not that I'm very advanced at using it anyways, but I didn't pack it with me to come to Al Ain because I didn't think I would be here this many nights. But I ended up extending my vacation for an extra night here at the Al Ain Rotana. I am absolutely loving it. I chose this location super randomly for this holiday. It's like this tiny little mountain town, has an oasis, a zoo. That's pretty much all I've heard about it. It's about an hour and half an hour-- sorry, an hour and a half from Abu Dhabi. And I literally just chose this location because the last time I went to Dubai, it was just such a pain in the butt getting a PCR test. Because to cross the border from Abu Dhabi into Dubai, you need to have a negative covid test. And it's just this whole thing of like having to wait in the line to get your test results and then you have to wait in the line to cross the border. And I know some people say, you know, Alex is way easier now that you're vaccinated, but I'm just like, you know what? I just want to stress free. Like, I just want to drive and check in and chill. And so that's why I chose Al Ain, you know, for the rest of my staycations. This past year, I've stayed in Abu Dhabi City, but I just felt like I needed to get away, you know, like you just need to, like, step outside of, like, the space that you're always occupying. And anyway, I got here and it was like a huge exhale. And I have been mostly chilling at the pool. The great thing has been that my devices keep overheating because it's like over 40 degrees in Abu Dhabi right now. So you can't have devices outside like your cell phone or your computer. Even if they're in the shade, they overheat and they stop working. And so that means that it's really, really hard for me to sit at the pool and actually do work on The Mindful Life Practice or Sober Curious Yoga, which has been exactly what I need. Right. I just need these hours of, like, unstructured time to just chill. I think that's been my biggest lesson is like, you know, I grew up with parents that were extremely, extremely hard working, extremely committed to their jobs and, you know, working overtime, working late, working at home. And I think I got this work ethic from them. And also, you know, they didn't often, like, stop working and say, Okay, now it's time to take care of myself. And I think, you know, this wasn't only them. This was this culture that we have. It's like this busy culture, this culture that glorifies work, this culture that glorifies, you know, accomplishments and achievements, and it never celebrates rest. And that's why it's so hard for so many of us to just rest and slow down. And myself included. Right. And I run a business and self care. And I still-- when it comes time for me to rest, I'm like, what's the most productive way that I can rest right now? Which is just so wild. So anyway, that was a gigantic tangent to say that I have stayed a little while longer than I planned on an Al Ain, which has been absolutely amazing. I've been able to get my yoga classes sub. Thank you so much for everyone who stepped in and sub my classes for me. It's been super, super helpful. And yeah, I've been enjoying my time so much, though I've stayed an extra night. And so I am learning to record my podcast episodes early because for the past two weeks it has come to, you know, Sunday night at like Alumium and my podcast producer is like, Hey Alex, where is your episode? And then recording it late at night. And so I am trying to get ahead of the game, do my episode early and have it ready to go, which is why I'm doing it right now. So other than my little vacay in Al Ain, that's pretty much all that's been going on. I've been working really hard on the content for the Sober Curious Yoga School, which is going to be launching in July and organizing some free-- actually, this is exciting. We have some free, sober curious community gatherings coming up on the mindfulness practice schedule. And so this is kind of been an initiative that has been discussed in our Sober Curious Yoga Teacher Training Group. So we have about 13 people that are in the Sober Curious Yoga Teacher Training and they're learning these amazing, you know, coaching skills, meditation skills, leadership skills, facilitation skills. And they're going to be working with me when we launch the big Sober Curious Yoga School in July. And they are super excited about helping others. Super excited about, you know, running programs, and so they actually kind of took the initiative and sort of cooked up this idea, collaboratively of offering these free Sober Curious Community Offerings on the schedule. And they're free for anyone. You don't have to be a yogi. What they're going to involve is a little bit of a check in meditation, sharing circle, and then some will have some guided journaling. And we have Amber facilitating one a week on Saturdays, who is in Bahrain. And then we have Hailey facilitating one a week, who is on Thailand on Sundays. And then we have Lee facilitating a few sessions throughout the week. Lee is in Ohio and she'll be doing a few sessions throughout the week, which will take place in evenings, North America time and also in afternoons in North America, which is evenings in Europe. Anyway, I'm not going to ramble off all of the time zone listings because I'm aware that we have like a super global listening base here and everyone's probably listening for a different location. So all I'll say is if you go on The Mindful Life Practice website, go to Sober Curious Community. I have put the schedule right there and it will adapt to your local time zone and you can book. It's totally free. You got a zoom code sent to you and I think we have these community circles happening almost every single day throughout the week. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Sabrina in the UK and Katherine in Italy. That's the last circle. On Thursdays we're going to be rotating leaders. And so Sabrina in the UK is doing one this week. And this was actually all her idea to do these events to begin with. And Katherine in Italy is going to be doing one the next week. So anyway, super, super exciting. So I was kind of stringing that all together to get it sent out in the newsletter today, which if you are not subscribe to The Mindful Life Practice newsletter, make sure you subscribe because you get all of these updates there. Next thing, next yoga Cruise is happening on Thursday. Super pumped about that. If you're in Abu Dhabi, please come join us. It's going to be awesome. We're going to do some journaling, some yin, some meditation manifestation. It's going to be fabulous. Okay, so now getting into our actual topic. So I am, as I mentioned, I am working on these workbooks for The Mindful Life Practice, Sober Curious Yoga Teacher Training. And this week I have been working on the Sacral Chakra workbook and one of the themes is partner, romantic relationship. And I've been doing a lot of research into dating and sobriety. And so sober dating, I think is a huge thing that comes up. I know when I first quit drinking, I mean, even before I quit drinking, like in the time leading up to me getting sober, I remember saying to one of my friends, I want to say this is my last year drinking. I think it was, you know, we had done a yoga class and we were upstairs at the bar getting drunk. And I think it was Valentine's Day. And I think I was, you know, listing off to her all the reasons why I was unlovable, why no one would ever love me. And some of you guys are part of my yoga classes. You know that, you know, I quite open that. I talk about this really sort of traumatic relationship I had and in my early 20s, when I was engaged and I actually ended up feeling like because I had this broken engagement that, you know, it was almost like I was like damaged goods. I felt a lot like because, you know, I had a mood disorder. You know, there's a couple other things that I don't really want to share on this podcast, but a lot of things about me that made me feel like I was unlovable or I was like, too much of a mess for someone to want to be with. I know things kind of shift a little bit and my thoughts were a little different. As soon as I got sober, it was not I'm such a mess that no one's gonna date me. My thoughts once I got sober were I don't think anyone's gonna want to go out with me because I'm not gonna want to have a drink with them on a date. And so much of our dating and our social world revolves around going out for a drink and having a drink. Right. I couldn't even think of a first date that I had ever been on that was not at a bar with a drink in hand. Right. And why does dating revolve around so much alcohol? I mean, I know that we kind of use it as a social lubricant. I think alcohol makes people kind of let loose. It definitely makes people feel less nervous, and if you're in a situation like a first date, obviously there's a lot of a lot of nerves involved. But anyway, I just remember being, feeling like no one would ever want to go out with me because I was sober. I actually went on a first date when I was about three weeks into my sobriety. And I'm sure you guys have heard this story because I've told it a thousand times. But I was actually set up on a date by a parent of one of my students. And the thing was that I had run into her at the bar a couple months before we were both drinking at the time. And so, obviously, she thought that I was kind of a partier or a drinker and she didn't know that I was like 20 days sober. Right. Because how would you know that? And of course, I wasn't going around, like, shouting it from the rooftops that parents of my students, I'm sober. So, I shouldn't have set me up on this date with this guy and went out with him. And, you know, he was putting a lot of pressure on me to have a drink with him. And I realize now that a lot of us do this because we are feeling sort of uncomfortable being the only one drinking. You know, I know that I myself, when I look back on the past, I'm sure there's been scenarios when I've pressured people to drink. I actually remember going out with someone, maybe seven years ago in Canada, and I remember putting the pressure on him to drink with me. And he was not a big drinker. He wasn't a fan of drinking. And I just felt so uncomfortable being sober on a date. I felt so uncomfortable with us not both being drunk that I was pressuring him to drink. So, I don't wanna villainize this guy that was pressuring me to drink because I have a hundred percent been in his shoes and I have one hundred percent done it too to people around me. So, I'm not the queen of peer pressure or the I'm not a saint in peer pressure or whatever you want to say it. But anyway, I was in a scenario where he was really, really putting on the pressure for me to drink and it really took like, a lot of strength for me to stand my ground and say to him, you know, I'm not going to have a drink with you. And he was like, Well, what's the big deal with one? And I finally said to him, you know, I'm 21 day sober. And he was like, Wow, you're 21 days sober. I could never do that. And he ended up driving us home that night. And as he drove me home, he said to me that it was a red flag that I didn't drink. And I remember feeling ended up doing a couple more dates with this guy who cared up ghosting me at the end, which felt terrible. But I remember going home and thinking like, Oh my god, it's a red flag that I'm sober, which is just the craziest thing. Right, because it should have been a red flag when I was a drinker, how much I was drinking. Right. How is it a red flag? I was calling someone sober, a red flag? But I get it, because he was just looking at it from this perspective of like, our lifestyles are not gonna match up. And I get it because now I would look at someone like him and be like, you know, our lifestyles are not gonna match up. Anyway, this whole tangent is to talk to you guys about dating and sobriety, because I have been doing research into dating and sobriety and I've been looking for some good journal prompts, some good information to share. And I actually ended up finding, you know, a lot of information about sober dating. And as you guys know, like I never partook in AA, I was never part of AA. And so I'm not very familiar with the AA rules, the AA style. I mean, I've obviously sort of come across it and learned about it along the years. But, you know, I was never like a participant in AA as such. So, I wasn't really exposed to, you know, these rules. And I thought it was really, really interesting what I was reading about. So, a lot of AA and a lot of substance abuse programs actually discourage people from drinking for, sorry, not for drinking. So, they tell people not to drink, but they discourage people from dating for about six months. And it's an integral part of kind of the big book and the AA conversation. And, you know, there's a few reasons for that. Substance abuse kind of warps how people see themselves. And that's how kind of what I was going through at the very end of my drinking days, you know, thinking that I was damaged, thinking that no one would ever love me like, this is kind of warping my sense of identity. Right? And so, they say that, you know, if you don't have that sense of identity about yourself, then it's gonna be impossible to form balanced and healthy connections to other people, right? Dating takes a lot of time, and so people who are getting sober have to spend a lot of time getting to know themselves, you know, who they are when they don't have a drink in their hand. And also realizing that, you know, people that you're interested in during your drinking days are not going to be the same when you're sober. And those realizations don't come overnight. They don't come in weeks. They don't come in months. And I hope this was like super interesting to read about. I was reading about all of this on the American Addiction Center's website, but it kind of makes perfect sense why, you know, I should have stayed away from dating in my early days because the types of people that I was being set up with to see what was going out with, we're just not the same types of people that I would be interested anymore. And that's okay. It's not that they're bad people, it's just different. But then I kind of got into something really interesting that, you know, people should avoid dating for another reason, which is that people who have addictions or have sort of a lot of issues might have been really common to have a lot of toxic, unhealthy relationships. And I know for myself, if I look back on pretty much all of my relationships throughout my life, they were all extremely toxic. I was in a number of manipulative, abusive relationships. And this was like a common recurring theme. Right? I was going out with people that were promising me the world. I was going out with people who wanted to party as much as I did. And so, they obviously were not the best people for me. And I read something really interesting is like, you know, if you're in this pattern of like toxic and manipulative or abusive relationships and you're getting sober and first of all, you've lost your sense of identity and you know, you don't know who you are, and then you end up in a relationship with someone that can become it's like an old pattern from the past. But also you can become latched onto that person and associate them with your sobriety when really they had nothing to do with it at all. Right. And then, when the relationship ends later down the line, your sobriety can fall apart because you feel like it's contingent or it's dependent on one person when in reality, you know, it's dependent on you. But I think we can get so lost in our relationships and we can think that, you know, people mean something to us. That's so important. We can create this narrative in our heads. And I thought that this was so interesting because I kind of had this reflection of like, Wow. That is exactly what happened to me. I've talked a little bit about this relationship I was in when I first got sober. So, you know, the first person that I told that I was sober, I was 11 days sober, and I told this guy that I was sober and he ended up becoming my boyfriend, and he was my boyfriend for about a year. And, you know, I've shared little bits and pieces of this relationship on social media. But it turned out in the end that, you know, he had several other committed relationships going on at the time that I wasn't even aware of. And he was able to really play a part and tell a story and be this character in my story that, you know, I wanted him to be and I needed at that moment. Right. I needed a hero that was going to come in and support me, and I needed the hero that was going to take care of me. And that's what this role that this guy stepped into. And I feel like when I look back, it's kind of sad, because it's like he, you know, took advantage of this vulnerable state that he saw me in, which is this young girl crying at day 11 sober. And he said, you know, I can fix that or I can solve that and I can be there for you. And he ended up being with me for almost my entire first year sober. He was my partner. And then, when things fell apart, like things literally fell apart, covid pandemic happened, relationship broke up. He left the country without even telling me. I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I lost my yoga position. I lost my job at the school. I was just sitting at home on the couch thinking that the world is ending and kind of having a mental health crisis. And I look back on that and I'm like, holy crap. This is probably exactly why they tell you not to date in your first year sober, because my life fell apart. And that is like the opportunity for someone to pick up a drink. You know, that's the opportunity when you're like, well, you know, F all this. I've worked really hard, but my life still sucks and it's all a mess. And so, I'm just going to drink now. And I totally, I look back and I'm like, Wow. It's kind of amazing that I didn't drink at that point, you know, why didn't I drink at this point? Maybe it was because I had come out on social media as being sober. I don't even think the thought crossed my mind to have a drink. I don't know why, maybe because, you know, we were all in lockdown. We were all in isolation. The thought wouldn't even cross my mind to go down to the pub. Well, the pubs were closed. But to go down to the liquor store in my building, I don't even know if they were open at this point. But it didn't cross my mind to have a drink. But I look back on that first year sober and, you know, the explosion of this relationship with this person who I really thought that he was the one. I really and truly thought that this man was the one for me because it was my first. I would describe it as like my first adult relationship. In my mind, this was my first adult relationship because this guy and I had this love that, you know, existed even though we were sober. You know, I can see how a breakup of a relationship and sobriety can really unsettle things and really mess things up. I do think that, you know, looking back on the whole thing, I'm so glad that I never drank. I'm so glad that I got through that breakup. I'm so glad to be like where I am now without this guy. And I do have to say, you know, looking back on it, even though he broke my heart and he really, really kind of shook up my world, there's a lot of really amazing and beautiful things that came out of that relationship. Right. And had that relationship never happened, I would never, ever be who I am today. Right. Had he not he kind of played this role in my life where he lifted me up. You know, I've talked a little bit about he was, you know, I did an episode with Adriana Bucci, who was a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, and she spoke about this whole concept of love bombing, and love bombing is when a narcissist comes in and they give you all these gifts and they give you all these affection and they tell you like you're amazing. You're the love of my life. I've never met someone like you before. And this is all kind of a trap to like, to kind of woo you in or reel you in. And this person that I dated, he was using a lot of these tactics. He was telling me, you know, you are incredible. You are just one of a kind yoga teacher. You're lightning in a bottle. You're going to take over the world one day. And, you know what's funny? I look back on that and I'm like, holy crap, that guy, whether or not, you know, Okay, fine. This was a manipulation tactic. This was an abuse tactic. He was using this tactic to hook me in and make me think that we had something special. But regardless of all that crap, all of his motives, what he was doing was, he was creating this belief in my potential that I didn't have before. Right? I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think that I was a yoga teacher. I was going to take over the world. I didn't think that anyone would want to come to my yoga classes. And all of a sudden you have this person that you idolize or you look up to telling you all of these things about yourself, and you start to believe them. Right? And so, it was him believing in me that helped me believe in myself. I think for a long time I felt a bit like I gave him a bit of credit. I thought that, you know, he helped me create this this magic in my life, which later became like Sober Yoga Girl and The Mindful Life Practice and Sober Curious Yoga, when in reality, he didn't create any of that at all. He just kind of said all this stuff to me until I believed in it myself. Anyway. And so, when our relationship ended and when things kind of destructed like that was the creation of The Mindful Life Practice. And so, had we never dated, none of that would have ever happened. So, do I regret that relationship? No, I don't regret any relationship I've ever partaken because I've learned something from it and it's shaped me and it's changed who I am. But I do look back and I'm like, Oh, that's probably why AA says that you shouldn't date in your first year of sobriety. So, all that is to say is like, you know, you do you I'm not here to tell you how to live your sobriety, but I see the value in taking a step back from dating. You know, taking a step back to focus on loving yourself and cultivating your relationship with yourself and learning about yourself like I don't see any harm in that. And that's kind of what I've been doing in this second year of sobriety. You know, I actually ended up doing a call with a love coach the other month. I think it was last month. You know, I did one of those things where it was like, you know, if you fill out my survey, you'll get a free session type of thing. So, did this session with a lot of is really wonderful reflection, because she actually said to me, you know, Alex, your problem is that you're not open to dating. You don't have time for dating, you don't have energy for dating. You don't want to be with anyone unless they're actually also interested in, like yoga. And you are creating a block in it. And I stepped away from that. I thought, She's right. But I'm proud of that. Right? Because anyone who would know me from my past, anyone knows me at all, knows that I was always the girl who was obsessed with boys, obsessed with dating. You know, one of my colleagues said to me a couple of years ago that every time she sees me, I'm talking about a new boy that I'm with. And I was like, Really? That's what you think of me? Every time you see me, I'm talking about a new boy? And she said, Are you really happy single? And I wasn't. I was not happy single for years because I was so obsessed with finding a partner. And I feel proud of myself that I'm at this point now where I'm like I've purposefully stepped away from dating. Right. I want to waste my time with it anymore. I want to build my business. I want to build my community. I want to teach my yoga. I want to work on writing my book like I don't have time for, you know, I'm not going to spend my time with the second best type of person. And, you know, someone actually DM me on Instagram this week saying they felt really sad for me when they saw my Instagram account because it was all just pictures of myself and it looked like I didn't have any friends here in the UAE. And, you know, that's what prompted me to post that Warsan Shire quote, “My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if it's sweeter than my solitude.” And that's how I really feel. Right. I'm not going to sit at tables. I'm not going to hold space for your gossip, for your judgment. I'm not going to hold space for that. Like, I'll hold space for your stories in your trauma and I'll hold space for someone who has the energy that I want to bring into my life. But if you don't have that, then I would rather build my business. So, yes, I am close to dating and I'm quite proud of that. And I think I'm having that reflection time that, you know, I probably really should have had in my first year sober. And I'm having it now. And what am I? I think I'm in my third year sober at this point? Yeah. I've done one, two. So, I'm into my third year sober. So, I'm finally creating that space and that reflection. Anyway. Okay. With that all being said, some top tips that I have for sober dating. So, if you do feel like you're ready for it and as I said, you know, I really feel like there's not one size fits all for sobriety. Right? So, I dated in my first year sober. I'm no longer really dating right now. AA suggests, you know, you don't date during your first year sober, but I really think there's no one size fits all and it's fully up to you. But that being said, take your time with your dating. Don't rush into it. And I would say that you should really be honest with the people that you're going out with. Tell them the full truth, because if you end up in a situation where you're not explaining about your sobriety, I think that's a really easy situation to kind of be pressured into having a drink. And it can be really hard to sort of hold your ground. On kind of the same lines with that, this is the biggest thing, get up from the table if someone has a problem with your sobriety. Right. The first guy I went out with had a huge problem with my sobriety. And I wish that I had just got up from the table and not held space for him anymore. And I think you just need to trust that, you know, someone will love you and someone will come along and, you know, the right person is there out for you. But you shouldn't feel like you have to change who you are to fit into someone else's mold. Right? And then, kind of the last thing I would kind of say along the whole sober dating thing is like, don't make the mistake I did, which is like believing that this one person was like, a key to the creation of this. I created this beautiful, sober world and I thought that he was like one of the main characters, you know, and he just happened to be like passing through my story. Right. And so, make sure that if you are dating in your first year sober, that you really see that like, you know, you've created this beautiful, sober world on your own. And it's going to be frickin' beautiful with or without this person that's come into your life. Right. They don't hold the keys to it. They didn't create it. You did. And anyone that's going to come in and kind of occupy that space with you and create a relationship with you, they are just kind of a guest in your beautiful, sober world. Right. Okay. All of that being said, what are the best parts of sober dating? Okay. Well, first of all, being sober yoga girl, generally, anyone that has a problem with me being sober just doesn't ask me out. I'm super open about my sobriety on social media. I think what Tinder actually my profile. I mean, I haven't been on Tinder in like months, but my profile, I'm pretty sure it's guys like vegan, feminist, sober, catmom or something, yoga teacher. And so, like. Pretty much no one is going to match with me unless, you know, they're okay with dating someone who's sober. And so, I kind of white out this whole kind of percentage of people that have a problem or think it's a red flag. By the way, that is a top tip. Obviously, you might not be as comfortable as me as, like, shouting it from the rooftops that you're sober, but that has really helped me in my dating world, just kind of knock out the percentage of not cool people. So, I would say, like the more honest you are, the less pressure, the last judgments you face. Right. So being sober has kind of made my dating prospects narrow in the best way possible. And I only end up on dates with, like, really nice people because they have to be okay with it to be there with me. Okay. These are my reasons why I think sober dating is awesome. The first is that, when you're sober, you know, if your feelings are genuine, right. How many of us have been like a little buzzed from our alcohol and then we're just not sure, like, am I having these giddy feelings because I'm drunk? Am I having this giddy feelings because I really like this person? Right. But if you are sober, you know that your feelings are genuine. They're not influenced or impacted by alcohol. And that makes it really easy to decide if it's a yay or nay. Right? I went on a few dates in November of this past year and with most guys, it was like, we made it two, three dates in. And then, I just decided, you know, khalas, which is enough in Arabic. You know, like, I like you, you're cool. You're a great person, but I just don't have these butterfly feelings that I want to have with my partner. Right? And when you're drinking, you can not differentiate that because you're drunk. And so, I think that's one of the best parts about sober dating, is that I know if my feelings are genuine. Right? The second thing is that I feel really, really in control of my choices. And I know that it's easier to hear my gut instincts if a situation feels right. And, you know, I'm going to not go into details on this because I think my parents listen to this podcast. But I'm sure any of us who have been big drinkers have been in very vulnerable situations when they're under the influence of alcohol, vulnerable situations where you end up in a room or a home or a car or somewhere with someone who is taking advantage of you. And unfortunately, alcohol is really common in these situations. And that's not to say that alcohol is to blame for any sexual assault. But, you know, the majority, or nearly all of the bad experiences I've had since I've been a teenager and above with men, really just sexual assault have all been under the influence of alcohol, and many have been in date situations. And so, unfortunately, like, that's the truth. Being sober helps me feel more in control of my choices. It's a lot easier to hear my gut instincts, to know if, you know, a situation feels right. And since I've been sober, I can't think of one time where I've been in an uncomfortable situation. And because I'm sober, I'm really able to act quick and create space or say no or get myself out of a situation. I want to give you one example. Like, I was out the other night sober with a couple of guys, and they kind of, they're joking. We're dancing, we're having fun. And one of them was suggesting that they sandwich me, you know, sandwiching when you just squish a girl. And I was able to really just say no. I actually said Haram, which means forbidden in Arabic. And I kind of pushed them off. And they didn't even joke about it again. But I thought to myself, you know, they must be, they must have been out with, I mean, not to say whatever, maybe a woman enjoys being sandwiched by men. I don't want to say that she doesn't enjoy it. But I think when I was to speak from my own perspective, if I had been drunk, I wouldn't have been able to immediately react in such a way that set my clear boundaries and pushed them off of me, you know what I mean? And so, I just feel like when I'm sober and that's such a small incident, that's not even, that is even skin of the surface of like, of sexual assault. Right? It's literally just rubbing up against me, but I didn't want to be touched in that way. And I was able to advocate for myself in a way that was so clear and confident and just kind of ended the situation. And so, all that is to say that, you know, being sober, I just feel much more in control of what's happening around me. And I also love remembering everything. Right. I love remembering like a first kiss with someone. It's so much more special when you remember it. It's so much more special. And I will just leave it at that. So, people have asked me often, you know, would I be okay with having a partner who drinks, now that I'm sober? And everyone has a different answer on this. Right? Some people don't find it a real big turnoff for me. I'm totally fine with being with someone who drinks. You know, the most serious relationship that I was in, who ended up being and not very nice guy. He drank. And, you know, I picked him up from the airport a couple of times when he, you know, was getting off a plane and had a couple of drinks, and it really didn't bother me. You know, I've been on dates with people that drink. I think the key part of it is that they respect my sobriety. Right? And I respect their drinking, too. And there's no pressure on either side to change. You know, I definitely could not see myself dating someone who partied until the sun rose. That would be my limit. But I definitely would be totally fine dating someone who had a drink from time to time. Anyway, that is a giant ramble on sober dating. All my thoughts continuing to work on my workbook tomorrow as I have one more day here in L.A. and then we will be getting back into all this workbook stuff, my yoga teacher trainings on tomorrow and the next day. So anyway, if you are another sober folk who is single, navigating the dating scene out there, how have your experiences been? Have they been good? Have they been bad? I personally never want to go back to dating with a drink in my hand, but I would love to hear your experiences. So, email me at Sober Yoga Girl, DM me on Instagram. We'd love to hear what sober dating is like for you. All right, guys, it is bedtime here in the UAE. Time for me to wrap this thing up, but I look forward to hearing from you. Don't forget to like, subscribe, share, and stay in touch. And I hope to see you soon. Bye, guys.


Outro: Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Sober Yoga Girl with Alex McRobs. I am so, so grateful for every one of you. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one and leave a review before you go. See you soon. Bye.



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